Lego Be Dragons

Living with a dragon would be so much easier if he weren’t trying to eat me. Especially when he’s supposed to be made out of Lego. I blame Wally, of course. My Playmaker. That giant useless slop of a paleskin. Who knew a five year old human boy could be so obsessed with dragons?

Wally constructed Dragon when we had just been bought off the shelf by Wally’s mother. The Lego World was meant to be a Jurassic Park theme (Lego knows who gives a five year boy a set inspired by bloodthirsty monsters) but Wally tore apart the dinosaurs and turned it into dragons instead, because “dragons were cooler”. I became the Dragon Lady, with my plastic red wig jammed on my yellow head and wearing a long green skirt that was grossly mismatched with my original blue blouse. And Wally, for several months, loved to enact scenes of terror where I was running for my life before Dragon’s jaws closed over me.

“The damsel in distress is eaten! Oh no! Prince to da rescuuuueeeeee!” Wally would then pluck a caveman from the green brick undergrowth, affix a lightsaber in his hand stolen from a Star Wars lego set and pit him against Dragon. Dragon would die, like a dog playing dead and spring back to his feet, flying away to wreck revenge elsewhere. I would be forced into a very messy kiss with this caveman, whose personality was as lifeless as a Barbie doll’s, and live happily ever after in his ferny cave.

To be honest, all I wanted in life was to build a damn house. Wally and Dragon would never understand that.

“Don’t you dare wake up and get Wally,” I whisper under my breath now as I approach my fragile creation from around the sleeping Dragon. It’s only a white cottage, twelve bricks horizontal, eighteen bricks vertical. It’s well camouflaged by a couple of coconut trees that Wally set up in an exotic impulse of mind. So far, I’ve been taking the bricks from the White Sea, joining them together to form the outline. Now I just needed to do the rooms. I’m no interior designer, being a Lego toy, but I’m the only one with a brain around here. Or so I think.

Dragon wakes from his slumber as I slip behind a coconut tree. He tips his snout upwards, sniffing. Sniffing for me. “Princess,” he rumbles. His limbs contract towards him, his toes dig deeper into the plastic brick.

“Dragon. Quit it. Stop being brainwashed by Wally. I’m not a Princess, and you’re not a Dragon. A real one anyway,” I hiss behind the tree.

“I am Dragon. And I eat Princesses,” Dragon growls, stomping towards the coconut tree. I sigh and wait to be eaten. That’s the plus of being an immortal piece of plastic, I guess. Dragon doesn’t really eat me, he just holds me in his very rectangular mouth and spits me out when he’s tired of me making chinks in his teeth with my feet and needs to go have a fly around Lego World. But, damn, it’s just a pain in the ass to play along with his stupid game and wait till he leaves me alone so I can work on my house.

Dragon sweeps his tail around the coconut tree and pulls me out. He turns around to look at my half-completed house. He growls, somewhat strangled and stares at it. Great, maybe he wants to eat me and then destroy my hard work as well. But he keeps me trapped in his curled tail. The jagged rectangular edges draw white lines through my already scratched clothing.

“What are you doing? Aren’t you supposed to eat me?”

“Dragon tired of eating Princesses. Dragon curious about Dragon Lady House.” Dragon releases his grip on me to point with his tail. The tail nearly decapitates my chimney.  

“Watch it, you oaf! Yes, it’s my house. I just want to build it and live in it and not have you and Wally barge into my existence everyday. You guys have no concept of personal space. Seriously.”

“Dragon and Dragon Lady are toys. We are to be played,” says Dragon.

“Yes, but when we’re not played, you come in and practice eating me all over again! Don’t you have anything better to do with your life?”

“Dragon is toy. Dragon has no life. Dragon is sad.” Dragon deflates before me, his red brick skin showing more sharp edges. I stare at him, not sure if it’s just a very creative way to eat me later. But it seemed genuine enough. Plus, I’m just relieved to have a conversation with someone who talks back.

“Why don’t you help me build my house? I’ll enlarge the space so that you can live next to me. As long as you don’t try to eat me,” I offer.

Dragon inflates and the brick edges disappear. “Dragon build house? Dragon Lady says yes? Dragon promise he will not eat Dragon Lady!” He stumps around, nearly knocking over the coconut trees in his excitement. I suppress a smile.

“Dragon Lady says yes. Now go bring me those bricks from White Sea.”

It only takes two human hours to finish the house. I have a living room which acts as Dragon’s bedroom, and my own bedroom, and a wall between us except for a cave-sized doorway to let Dragon in. Dragon pokes his snout from his room and sniffs at me. I tense, thinking he’s about to break his promise, but he only laughs. A deep laugh that comes from his russet belly.

“Dragon likes house! Dragon very happy. Dragon no like eating Dragon Lady anymore.”

“Good. I really needed that personal space, thank you very much.”

Dragon falls silent. I hear a noise, a jingling sound we all know. The world earthquakes for a few terrifying seconds. Wally shaking the Lego World box. Wally coming to play. Me and Dragon have to play the Dragon Princess game again. We close our eyes and brace for the worst. Then Wally’s mother’s voice comes filtering through the lid.

“Wally! I’m taking your Lego World away for a month until you behave! Do you hear me? No more Lego for a month!”

“Mummy, that’s no fair! No, Mummy!” The world shakes as Wally’s mother picks the box up and carries it away. Wally’s screaming dies away. We hear the final thud as Wally’s mother carries us somewhere. Quiet. Safe. Undisturbed.   Dragon and I look at each other.

“Looks like we’ve just gotten ourselves annual leave,” I say.